Monday, September 7th, 2009

proof read my essay please really careful?

bhupo s asked:


You can walk through any school in this nation and ask any student if they know the story of Rosa Parks. Most students would say that she was the African American woman who did not move from the front of the bus to give up her seat to a white man. The majority of students pay little attention to the impact her decision had on the United States. But what did she do that made her special, and what did she even accomplish? There were three women’s during the Civil rights movements that made a major impact on the world today.

One of the women who fought for her right was Rosa Parks. she was born in Tuskegee, Alabama on February 4, 1913. Her parents were Leona Edwards and James McCauley. Her father was a carpenter and Mother was a teacher. When Rosa was two, her family moved to Pine Level, Alabama. There she lived with her grandparents. Her grandparents owned some land, which they farmed and fed themselves with.

When Rosa was eleven, she started going to a school called the Montgomery Industrial School for Girls which was a private school. She later went to Booker T. Washington Junior High and then Alabama State for college. She was unable to complete college, because her family fell into some difficult times and couldn’t afford to send her to school. She had to take care of her grandmother.

While she took care of her grandmother told her stories about slavery and segregation. Her mother also talked to her about the injustices that were taking place. She reminded Rosa every day that all of God’s children were free. Due to her mother’s illness, she was unable to graduate from high school. Eventually, due to her grandmother’s death, she was unable to graduate with her class at Alabama State Teacher’s College for Negroes. Through her own experiences, by listening to her grandmother’s stories, and by attending the Montgomery Industrial School for Girls, she quickly began to understand how wrong the racial and social injustices were.

In 1931 she met and fell in love with Raymond Parks, a barber. They were married in 1932 and settled in Montgomery. Her husband encouraged her to continue college and she graduated at Alabama State College. She worked several jobs such as an Insurance Salesman, housekeeper and as a seamstress. Her mother, “who was a believer in equality and justice”, taught her the values of education and about her grandmother who was against racism. She encouraged Rosa to do the same (McElrath para 2).

Rosa Parks hated all the different ways that black people were mistreated. She especially hated segregation. At first, she found quiet ways to fight back. Instead of taking the “colored” elevator, she walked up the stairs. She wouldn’t use the drinking fountain; she would just wait until she got home to drink water. She hated the segregation on the city buses when most of the people on the bus were African American. They paid the same amount of money as the white people, but were treated differently. She wanted to make life better for the black people. In December of 1943, she joined the National Association for the Advancement of colored people, the NAACP. She got a job as a secretary. She worked there from 1943 to 1956.

On December 1, 1955, Rosa Parks was headed home from work riding on a segregated bus. The bus came to a stop and some white people got on. The seats started filling up until finally one man was left standing. The bus driver, named James Blake, looked back at Rosa and said “let him have those front seats.” She was in the mid section of the bus, designated for both whites and blacks, depending on how full the white section was. She did not get out of her seat;she was tired of giving up. Even after the bus driver repeated the demand. James Blake stood up and moved toward her. Although the black people across from her had obeyed orders, she just stared at the window. When the bus driver asked her if she was going to move she stated, “no.” He then said “Well, I’m going to have you arrested.” Rosa said “You may do that.” (Scharff 13).

The NAACP (National Association of the Advancement of Colored People) Montgomery branch had been trying to find someone to use as a case to try to change the laws and abolish racism. The cases that had gone to high courts and were used to test the laws. If the side trying the law were to win the law being challanged would need to be revised or removed, according to the ruling. The Woman that they used to test try the laws were Claudette Colvin, Louise Mary Smith, and then there was Rosa Park. The First person was Claudette, then Louise Mary Smith, and then Rosa Park.

Claudette Colvin was arrested because she refused to give up here seat to whiter young man who wasa lot young then her. She was born on september 5th of 1939. The NAACP though that her case would be wonderful to try to change the law because Claudette had good reputation and was good citizen. But in few months they changed their mind because Claudette was pregent with a wh

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One Response to “proof read my essay please really careful?”

StrawberryViking Says:

First Paragraph
Think about changing “The majority” to “A majority”

The last sentence of the first paragraph “women’s” should be women.

Second Paragraph
First Word of the second sentence, “she was born…” should be capitalized.

“Her father was a carpenter and Mother was a teacher.” Somewhat incomplete, consider combining it with the sentence before it.

“…her family moved to Pine Level, Alabama. There she lived with her grandparents.” Combine these sentences.

Third Paragraph

“…she started going to a school called the Montgomery Industrial School for Girls which was a private school.” omit the “a school called” from the sentence, the fact that it is a school and in fact private is already specified later in the sentence.

Too many sentences start with “She”, change some of the sentences to start with Rosa, or Parks.

The last sentence of the paragraph seems out of place, consider changing it, by either making it into a more detailed sentence, or by working it into the next paragraph.

Fifth Paragraph

“They were married in 1932 and settled in Montgomery.” omit the were, and combine with the first sentence.

“She worked several jobs such as an Insurance Salesman, housekeeper and as a seamstress” Awkward sentence, can’t quite figure out a good way to fix it. Experiment with it.

“Her mother, “who was a believer in equality and justice”” the quote is in the wrong place, change to “Her mother, who was a “believer in equality and justice”. Not sure where the quote came from, but be sure to state the source after.

“She hated the segregation on the city buses when most of the people on the bus were African American. They paid the same amount of money as the white people, but were treated differently.” Combine these two sentences.

“In December of 1943, she joined the National Association for the Advancement of colored people, the NAACP. She got a job as a secretary. She worked there from 1943 to 1956.” Combine these three sentences.

Sixth Paragraph

“…Rosa Parks was headed home from work riding on a segregated bus. ” change to “…was riding on a segregated bus on her way home.”

“She did not get out of her seat;she was tired of giving up. Even after the bus driver repeated the demand.” Change to “She did not get out of her seat even after the bus driver repeated the demand; she was tired of giving up.”

Capitalize “no.”

Seventh Paragraph

“The cases that had gone to high courts and were used to test the laws.” omit the and,

“If the side trying the law were to win the law being challanged would need to be revised or removed, according to the ruling.” add a comma between win and the, correct “challanged” to “challenged”.

In “The Woman that they used to test try the laws were Claudette Colvin, Louise Mary Smith, and then there was Rosa Park.” change “Woman” to “women”.

There is no need for the last sentence in this paragraph if you add “respectively” in the sentence before.

Eighth Paragraph

“…she refused to give up here seat to whiter young man who wasa lot young then her.” change to “…she refused to give up her seat to a significantly younger white man.”

Capitalize “september”

“The NAACP though that her case would be wonderful to try to change the law because Claudette had good reputation and was good citizen.” change to “The NAACP thought her case would be a wonderful opportunity to attempt to change the law because of Claudette’s good reputation and record as a good citizen.” also “…because of Claudette’s reputation as a good citizen”

“But in few months they changed their mind because…” change to “After a few months…”

I know you had more, but I hope what I gave helped you.

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