Will you proof read my essay?
raisinette asked:
Please tell me if this makes sense, This isn’t all of it but I didn’t think anyone would want to read the whole thing. This is just the first part, the rest is about 10 pages long. I still have to write it.
The controlled mode, which is also known as Command Detonation, the mine will be detonated by the operant while the forward edge of the enemy will approach in the killing zone, primarly 20-30 meters where the maximum casualities will occur.
The controlled detonator mode can be adept by the use of the electrical or non electrical firing system. In the moment when mines are engaged in the controlled roll, they will be treated equally as the individual weapons and will be reported for the inclusion in the unit fire plan. However, they are not reported as mines yet the emplacing unit fire plan. The m57 firing device, which is also known as the clacker, is incorporated with the Claymore Mine in order to be used in control mode. When the Claymore mines are daisy chained together, the M57 will inaugurate several claymore mines.
In uncontrolled mode, also known as the Victim Initationed Detonation. the mine will be installed in a manner to cause a target to detonate the mine. The mines which are engaged in this manner are to be reported and further on recorded as land mines. Many mechanisms are used to initiate the Claymore Mine, such as the M142 multipurpose firing device, tripwires, strikers, infrared sensors, acoustic and vibration sensors, and the m5 pressure release device also known as the mousetrap.
In time-delayed mode, the firing will contain the fuse igniter as well as the applicable short time fuse in order to allow the mine to be used as a pursuit detterent. This may be combined with the CS Grenade, or the bag containing the irritant contained in the CS Grenade.
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September 11th, 2009 at 1:29 am
Operant is not the word you want there; you want operator. An operant is an adjective describing something which tends to produce effects. It is something close to a synonym of effective.
Change “will approach” to ‘approaches’ to agree with “while.”
Change “adept” in sentence beginning “The controlled” to ‘adapted.’
Same sentence hyphenate “non electrical” to ‘non-electrical.’
Sentence beginning “In the moment” needs to be rephrased; I frankly can’t figure out what it means.
Sentence beginning “However they are not” needs to read “However, they are not yet reported as mines in the emplacing unit fire plan.” Additionally, “emplacing” is not technically a word, although in the field you are writing it is quite possible that the construction is used.
Sentence beginning “The m57 firing device” needs the ‘m’ in “m57″ capitalized.
Same sentence, “clacker” should be placed in quotation marks because it is a colloquial name, a nickname if you will.
Sentence beginning “Many mechanisms” needs “while it is in uncontrolled mode” after “mine.”
Same sentence needs “m5″ capitalized.
Same sentence needs a comma in between “device” and “also.”
Same sentence “mousetrap” needs to be placed in quotation marks.
If you want me to examine your final essay I will try to fit it in, although I can’t promise it. Just message me and I’ll give you an email; you can upload the word file and I will use word notes to put stuff in. This format is far too time-consuming to do a full 10 pages after all lol.