Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Can someone please proof read my small paragraph thanks?

Fred asked:


Feel free to edit or do anything to the paragraph to make it more appealing to the read.And sorry for any lousy mistakes I lost my whole document kind of ****** and stayed up late at night trying to get it back. Thanks for helping :)

I love to spend time with my family; I have two older brothers and one younger sister. I love playing with my two budgies they also count as family. I like hanging out with my friends. My favorite sports are martial arts and soccer. I find religion (Islam) interesting; hopefully when I grow up I will become a muslim scholar and can teach other people about Islam. By the end of grade 12 I want to finish the IB program and join one or more sports teams.

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4 Responses to “Can someone please proof read my small paragraph thanks?”

willsy Says:
September 27th, 2009 at 6:23 am

Good punctuation and grammar.

djcartwright Says:
September 28th, 2009 at 10:04 am

“I love playing with my two budgies; they also count as family.” (inserted punctuation, otherwise it’s a run-on sentence)
“hopefully when I grow up I will become a Muslim scholar” (capitalization)

Otherwise it looks fine.

†_fauzìa™ Says:
October 1st, 2009 at 5:48 pm

okayy..urm this is how i think it should be:

I love spending time with my family. My family consists of two older brothers, one younger sister and two pet budgies. i enjoy hanging out with my friends. My favourite sports are martial arts and soccer. Islamic religion interests me. hopefully when i grow up i will become a muslim scholar, and can teach others about Islam. By the end of year 12, i would like to finish the IB program and become part of a sports team.

hope it helped.

x

Ayah Says:
October 3rd, 2009 at 5:33 pm

First you have to indent (or leave a space before starting a paragraph)
That’s one.
Also: two budgies; they also count…
and last: names and titles should be capitalized (Muslim, Scholar)

Rest is pretty good. hope you’ll achieve your goals.

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