Sunday, September 27th, 2009

Proof Read The beginning of my Science Report?

illianaisbored asked:


Its about puberty.

……..If you know me then you must have already realized that I am very hairy. Well I wasn’t always this abnormally covered with hair. It all started around the age of nine. It started attacking me as if I were Chuck Norris. The cause? Puberty! If you haven’t already experienced puberty take my advice… it is not nice. I had gotten taller, my voice had gotten deeper; my car developed “headlights” (if you know what I mean). All the signs of turning into a woman and I had many questions.

……The reason I picked puberty was so I could inform my classmates answers to questions that would otherwise be too awkward to ask. I have noticed that puberty abides by the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy. This is because some people assume that the topic is uncomfortable and it’s just better not to talk about. I on the other hand think kids should be well informed otherwise they will be scared and unaware of what’s happening. Believe it or not teenagers have a strong desire to learn about their body and puberty. Many of them find out their information from “the streets” where the facts aren’t all correct. So I think that it’s time to set the record straight and learn about puberty (Even if it’s awkward and embarrassing).
Ill mark Kay as Best Answer as Soon as Yahoo will let me :) . Thanx you helped a bunch.

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2 Responses to “Proof Read The beginning of my Science Report?”

Darren Says:
September 29th, 2009 at 8:19 am

Pretty awesome, especially the Norris reference!

Kay Says:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:15 pm

“Well, I wasn’t always this abnormally covered with hair.” Just add a comma after “well”.

“If you haven’t already experienced puberty take my advice: it is not nice.” For this sentence I’ve replaced the ellipsis with a colon. It’s somewhat optional but it makes it easier to read.

“All the signs of turning into a woman and I had many questions.” I think it would make more sense if you wrote “With all the signs of turning into a woman, I had many questions.” This is also optional, but I thought I’d make that suggestion to make it more understandable.

“……The reason I picked puberty was so I could inform my classmates’ answers to questions that would otherwise be too awkward to ask.” Just put an apostrophe after “classmates”, and you’re good to go. You want to make sure you add an apostrophe because it’s a plural-possessive. :)

“I, on the other hand, think kids should be well-informed; otherwise they will be scared and unaware of what’s happening.” This needed commas and a semicolon to avoid turning into a run-on sentence.

That’s all I could find.
This is very good, BTW. :D
Good luck!

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